IF ONLY

It’s been a difficult and emotionally challenging time for couples over the past year as the pandemic caused worldwide upheaval unlike any other. Couples Counseling Las Vegas has seen first-hand how it has negatively impacted couples relationships and the psychological well-being of individuals.

It’s important to find productive strategies that improve ourselves and our relationships, in an effort to bring positive balance and continued connection to our lives.

Monday morning quarterbacking has been practiced in my home for a very long time. With a football fanatic husband and four sons there was always plenty of football on the screen as well as football discussions around the table. If only the coach had made a different call, if only the receiver had caught that ball if only, if only… “if only” discussions can go on forever. But at the end of the game the score is what it is.

As I write this, football season 2021 is prepping to begin. Last year’s football season of empty stadiums, abbreviated schedules, canceled games is now history. We all thought “We got through 2020 now let’s get back to normal.”

Oh, if it were that simple. Here in the U.S. covid entered our world sometime in January, or maybe February. In March many of us left our offices and set up space at home to work. We also set up classroom areas for students, spaces to exercise, another space to be alone.

Our entire lives had now been shoved into our homes.

No more getting prepared in the morning to leave our home to go to work or school. No more changing into our workout clothes to go to the gym. No more getting dressed up to go out for an evening on the town or get together with friends. These pre-covid boundaries between home, school, work, play…all of these were a system that provided structure, separation, and purpose. Unknowingly we depended upon the structure to keep us psychologically strong. Couples and families were physically separate but psychologically connected.

Now, under the same roof, living in the same space we were physically together, but were we psychologically connected?

The middle of May 2020 I returned to my couples counseling practice to treat masked, healthy couples. The phone calls and email requests for couples counseling sessions were overwhelming. Couples reported feeling isolated, exhausted, impatient, drinking and eating too much, lower sex drives, feeling hopeless, irritable, wanting their lives back. When will things return to “normal?” We were all living in a condition of prolonged uncertainty. It is a rare incident that the whole world experiences this type of a collective experience.

How do we nurture ourselves, our marriages, our families, or our relationships while we are living through this Covid Pandemic Haze?
My Monday morning quarterbacking voice says, “Why didn’t you clean out the garage or organize your photos while you were stuck at home?” If only I had used that time to be more productive. I am sure many of you look back and think about what you could have done…”If only.”

Now we are in August of 2021. We are still living in our Covid Pandemic Haze. What can you do today? This week?

There are several remedies I will briefly list here that you can begin utilizing today to improve your relationships. I recommend these during couples therapy sessions in my counseling practice, Couples Counseling Las Vegas. I will touch on more in my next blog.

This week, today:

  • Reach out to people. Make a list of the people you enjoy talking with, but haven’t seen much of this past year. Contact some of these people. Enjoy some stimulating conversations.
  • Touch someone. Sexual activity has declined during this time. We can live without sex, but we cannot do well without touch.
  • Move. Go for a walk, a bike ride, go for a swim. Movement is a wonderful antidote to feeling down and out. 

We don’t know what the future holds for each of us or our relationships. We do know we would like to be living with fewer “If only’s.” Find something or someone to enjoy today.

“Energy begets energy.” Movement is your friend.

Until next time, take good care of your relationship and good care of you!